To honey - Brad - Valentine’s Day 2009

Hi, KES and Siona - thank you both for sharing your comments and your energy in walking this road.  Sometimes I feel like my writing about Brad continues to play similar tunes and themes and I wonder if I’m stuck in the process.  I also acknowledge that I’m still in the first year of loss - which means that different anniversaries continue to evoke more flow of grief and gratitude.

KES since I access the ‘Net by dial-up from my house - I look forward to listening to the songs you’ve shared when I’m using a high speed connection.


gentle blessings -


Sylvia

Hi, Meenakshi - many thanks for connecting with the muscle memory aspect of my poem.  That opens avenues of reflection that are really helpful.  I am used to thinking of muscle/body memory in a traumatic context - and this helps me tap more into  loving and caring physical memories.


blessings and light to you -


Sylvia

Hi, Lenore - we deeply affirmed and enjoyed each other.  I really miss hearing his voice say to me “go, dear!”, and spending long periods on the phone with each other chuckling about all sorts of whimsical stuff.


love and blessings -



Sylvia

Hi, Lisa - you’re welcome - and thank you :-).  One of the aspects of Brad’s and my connection with each other from the beginning is the influence it’s had on other people, too.  And part of that I think is is passing along the message that when someone dies - the story doesn’t necessarily end.

I had a friend in church come up to me Sunday and tell me how glad she was to have met Brad - and how much she enjoyed seeing “honey” as I called him listed in her communion server records.  The whimsy of that listing was - he was agnostic at best - and quite wary and resistant toward religion and dogma.  She saw us together one Sunday while he was visiting and asked if we’d both serve - one for the bread, one for the cup.  He was quite unsure about it - but my sense was - he really did enjoy helping :-).


And through my blogs and stories - he’s enjoying helping still.



loving hugs -


Sylvia

Hi, Ane - yes, he’s still present with me - maybe a little less impulsive [soft smile].  Sometimes I sense him around more than others - a close friend last night said she felt he was present with her.  In fact … [s] she came up to visit me one time so we could go to a Japanese garden at a local tree sanctuary that Brad and I both loved.  On her way in to town she stopped at the local market (which Brad enjoyed quite a bit) and intuitively purchased a lottery ticket.  We had a very special visit to the arboreteum and garden.  Several days later I got a message from her … that she had won $70 from the lottery ticket!  [chuckling]  So apparently he’s watching out for other folk he knows, too.

I did get a sense - as resistent as he was to dogma - that he was kind of startled to die and find out the story continued [g].


love and blessings -



Sylvia

Hi, Kathy - yes, Brad was smiling much of the time we were together - and he often is now when I connect in.  I participated in a concert on Valentine’s day that was a benefit for a scholarship fund in memory of a young man who was murdered in 2004.  I never met the young man - but through the concert, I got a sense of his life in the midst of the tragedy of its ending - is still a gift that keeps giving.  And as I realized that - I got a sense of Brad’s life the same way.  Trust me - being together wasn’t always purple roses, smiles and laughter.  Just a gift - in both directions.  And I am very grateful for this avenue to continue to share and process that gift.


Thank you -


Sylvia

Hi, Samme - [tears in eyes] thank you - a candle on top of books - how right.


love and blessings -


Sylvia