This poem is the flow of my feelings for my heartmate, Brad with whom I was in relationship from November of '06 to April of '08 and who died of a heart attack in June of '08.


my heart is wistful

my soul is grateful

my sinews ache with missing you

tears simmer in my eyes


a year ago - calling you after that wonderful box arrived -

stacks of lusclous chocolate that became communion wafers

after you died

the blue dragon who emerges from my suitcase

to carry your energy with me as I sleep away from home


two years ago - receiving the MacBook Pro -

getting ready to visit you in California for the first time

the purple bed and the rainbow dragon kite -

the spa pampering

and that first treasured dinner at the Fish Market


42 years in the making -

you treated me as your valentine

every day that we were together

cherishing me, adoring me, enjoying me,

celebrating me, challenging me to heal and grow


Hard heads that we are -

there was much tug and pull -

playing tig and running into each others’ walls -

endless discussions of politics -

and rejected invitations to the flow of Spirit

I felt and feel so much with and for you

so much joy, so much growth, so much laughter and healing

romantic love is still a confusion and a question

the gates of trust were swinging back and forth

and I know still that you were and are a gift to me



heartmate, laughter mate,

keenly intelligent, questing giving soul

huge hearted - self hating -

struggling - vibrant - intense

abusing self and alcohol - love flowing



thank you for intertwining yourself with me

as you continue to travel the journey

of the Multiverse -

may you be able to receive

the joy and love you offer so abundantly

trauma, learning, loss, whimsy, healing, Spirit

we need to care more for and about ourselves and each other.